You are staring at them, tracing their profile with your eyes. You know that they are beautiful, but when you search in your heart to find that, you come up short. You’ve grown up on fairy tales and stories of true love’s first kiss, and instantaneous love that never ends until you’re both old and grey, but when you look at them, this beautiful person, the person you claim to love, you don’t feel anything at all.
You wait for the often spoken about butterflies to form in your stomach, and for your heart to flutter and for golden sparks to fly the second the two of you touch lips, but it never comes. It disappoints you, but you try not to show it. Maybe this is too fast, you think to yourself. Maybe you’re putting too much pressure on yourself.
Maybe you don’t actually love them, says the little voice inside your head, and your worries, and your heart.
Time moves on, and you stay there with them in their glowing love and your uncertainty. Your time is filled with hurried mornings trying to get out of the door so you won’t be late for work, and long Sunday drives singing along badly to the radio, and meeting each other each evening to get dinner and walk home together. And you don’t notice it, but everything starts to change.
It's a sleepless night, and you watch their chest rise and fall. There is a relief that fills you as you watch their breathing, and the little voice in the back of your mind whispers to you how lucky you are. You agree, before coming to a realisation.
My name is Sarah R. New (she/her). I am 28 years old and am based in the UK. I have 3 pieces currently awaiting publication from other literary magazines and I self published an eBook in July 2023. I also have a piece named Mereminne published in August 2023 by the Periwinkle Pelican Lit Mag, and a piece named the Intruder published in September 2023 by Beneath the Mask Lit Mag. I can be reached at sarahrnew@btinternet.com, or found on twitter and instagram under @aldbera.