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"I'm Only Happy When it Rains Mellon Collie Supervixens" • Garbage x Smashing Pumpkins (by Adrian Dallas Frandle)

All the billowy fabric & lush Mellon Collie stars,

all the invocation of Infinite Sadness & Victorian lullaby 

can’t cover my love 

   of Garbage. 


I am twelve & small & so trying to survive 

in this band-T at least three sizes too large for my body. 

I had purchased this shirt at my first concert: 

The Smashing Pumpkins tour 

(chaperoned by my father, naturally). 

I am twelve & only attending to hear Shirley Manson croon 

Queer & Stupid Girl during the opener. 

It’s as if she sings directly to me, 


cuz I too am only happy when it rains 

(especially over early second period P.E.) 

I am only twelve, but I feel a lot, 

& so don’t want anyone to see inside my jewel

case, to know that underneath’s a subpar supervixen, 

a weird mix of naivety & bright pink feather boa

that is my brain.  


It’s why to school I only wear this one blue 

shirt, the one deemed “more acceptable for boys.”

 

I may be twelve, but I’m becoming more. Inside

I’m brewing fuchsia storms, unconcealed   

horizons as distant & hopeful as heaven is wide



Adrian Dallas Frandle (he/they) is a queer fish who writes to and for the world about its future. Book of Extraction: Poems with Teeth out now with Kith Books. Recent work in Hooligan Magazine and Honey Literary. Read more online at adriandallas.com 





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