GOD BABY I KNOW YOU SAID THERE’S A JOKE IN WORSHIPING A LOVE AT THE ALTAR BUT I CAN’T DEAL WITH RELIGIOUS GUILT ANYMORE I’M SO TIRED. I’M TIRED OF NEEDING MORE THAN WHAT SOCIETY CAN GIVE ME & I’M TIRED OF NEVER BEING ENOUGH. I’M TIRED OF BEING ANGRY OR SORRY OR ANNOYED OR PISSED OFF OR ANYTHING ELSE. I’M TIRED OF SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH ROSE-TINTED GLASSES LEFT LOW ON THE BRIDGE OF YOUR NOSE & I’M TIRED OF KISSING THE MOLE RIGHT UNDER YOUR EYE NOT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO KISS YOU BUT BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THAT IT ATTACHES ME TO TITLE OF SUBSERVIENT BITCH. I’M TIRED OF BEING STRANGERS UNTIL WE CAN GET MORE & I’M TIRED OF BEING GREEDY. I’M TIRED OF WANTING MORE THAN I CAN HAVE & WANTING & WANTING & WANTING. I’M TIRED OF KEEPING TO MYSELF IN A WAY THAT IMPLIES I’M NOTHING MORE THAN A MARK FOR SOCIETY TO KEEP & I’M TIRED OF BEING ANGRY & I’M SO FUCKING TIRED. BABY, DON’T YOU GET IT I JUST WANT TO BE OKAY AGAIN. BABY, DON’T YOU GET IT I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED. BABY, DON’T YOU GET IT? I JUST WANT TO BE A BODY IN WHICH I CAN FIND NO FAULTS & I JUST WANT TO BE A SOUL WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO BE MYSELF. BABY, DON’T YOU GET IT, SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH YOU OR JUST LEFT ALONE OR PULLED OUT MY BRAIN BECAUSE I CAN’T FUCKING THINK ANYMORE. I’M SORRY I’M SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE ANYTHING ELSE. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP HAUNTING MY BODY.
Arushi (Aera) Rege is a queer, chronically in pain, Indian-American poet who simultaneously attends junior year in high school. They tweet occasionally @academic_core and face the perils of instagram @aeranem_26. Their works have been published in Gastropoda Lit, Full House Literary Magazine, fifth wheel press, and more. Their debut chapbook, BROWN GIRL EPIPHANY, is forthcoming with fifth wheel press. You can find their website at arushiaerarege.carrd.co.
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