"Fruit Fly" • Nada Surf (by Erika Gill)

We sit at the bar and discuss the life cycle 

of Drosophila melanogaster—the common fruit fly

the infestation of which plagues our workplace

specks flying blindly into our faces regularly

they were the first animal launched into space

in 1947. I kill them often.

when the volta comes 

we are not ready 

much like food rotting in a plastic bag

I feel thrown away

our friendship not strong enough 

to withstand your lies

your silence not strong enough

to withstand my anger

I miss the camaraderie but not the 3am phone calls

your self-centered histrionics

the same five stories of trauma worn thin

with constant liquor soaked slurred retellings

Drosophila means dew lover, 

Melanogaster black bellied.

In a sequence of dreams my hands encircled your neck

a violence I do not possess

Even in my unconscious mind, I never meant to hurt you 

and the third dream brought kindness back into this mix

five months not speaking

twenty generations of fruit flies

Oh no, you make your own mistakes

I cannot bring them back to you.

Erika Gill (they/them) lives on unceded Tséstho’e (Cheyenne), Očhéthi Šakówiŋ, hinono’eino’ biito’owu’ (Arapaho), and Núu-agha-tʉvʉ-pʉ̱ (Ute) land in Denver. Erika is Editor in Chief of Alternative Milk Magazine. Their poetry appears in Rigorous, MORIA, beestung and others. Their debut collection of poetry, Lone Yellow Flower, is available now from Querencia Press. Socials: @invariablyso Website: erikagill.com